3 Days Until Ironman Louisville . . . and No Job

Today, a crazy stillness overtook me.  The calm before . . . the fire.

It started while I was sitting around doing video work this morning and had an insatiable urge to go swimming.  I put up zero resistence.

I warmed up, then glided easily for about 600 meters to simulate the start of Ironman Louisville.  Settling into my race will be priority number one.  I don’t want to be breathing heavily by the time I turn to go down stream.  No matter how slow my pace.

I did a few more 200’s, then casually ascended to land before climbing the stairs to the roof pool.  I soaked in the sun like a monk in meditation.

Later, I ran into a guy I used to work with, and that’s when it hit me, “I am finally turning into myself again.”

I worked in local television news for nearly 15 years and, for the most part, dreaded every day.  Sad, I know.

Nothing about it agreed with my flow.  The karma of negative news, the corporate environment, the regimented and endless deadlines.  It just keeps going.  You are never done.  Even a ridiculously long race like Ironman has a finish line.

By now it was noon and I had nothing but loose plans like packing for Louisville and finishing a video edit.  But I had all day and night to do them.  It was my decision as to when they would get done.  It was the freedom I have missed and cherished for so many years.

Today was the first day that I literally felt anxiety melting from my body.  It may have had something to do with the heat, but I’m pretty sure it was the realization that I am finally on the path I have wanted for my life.

Don’t get me wrong, Ironman has its own way of stirring the anxiety pot, and I can certainly feel it bubbling.  It has been a continual source of stimulation and a great amount of fear.  But somehow knowing I have a different life waiting after Ironman is a tremendous relief.

I know the release will help me on some way this Sunday.  I may not be in the shape I want to be in, but I can feel my mental pendulum swinging the right direction.  In the last two days I have let go a lot of premature goals that are out of my control and let myself be at peace with a race I have obsessed about for months.

This race will not define me.  It is simply something I want to do because it is taking me in the right direction.  Forward and free.