It’s been a minute since I’ve posted, and I suppose there have been some legitimate reasons, but I really need to get my ass in gear if I plan to race triathlon this year. I’ve always felt like writing this blog was one of the biggest keys to consistent training and the last few weeks have proved it.
This transition away from my job of 15 years and into the world of being an entrepreneur has been a challenge. There’s a lot of comfort having a team-focused-goal, but when you face the world alone, it can seem overwhelming.
I’ve also seemingly forgotten I am a product of Wisconsin because this “brutal” Nashville winter has taken its toll. There is literally 3 inches of snow on the ground today and I feel a bit like Jack Nicholson in the Shining, typing away with locked doors and no human in sight.
A few weeks ago, I had serious thoughts about hanging up triathlon. Nothing about it seemed fun anymore. The earth-shattering-high at the beginning of this quest seemed like a distant memory. The infrastructure that insulated me has fallen apart. What was a common thread of Ironman Wisconsin was now simply “I’m doing this for myself,” and that’s never easy when you’re used to letting outside forces drive you.
For me, there’s no better way to “go inside” than to be in a pool. I’ve always felt an insatiable pull to water; maybe it’s because I’m a Scorpio. I’m not “into” astrology, but every time I read something about it, in relation to being a water sign, it makes me wonder:
Water signs are attuned to waves of emotion, and often seem to have a built-in sonar for reading a mood. This gives them a special sensitivity in relationships, knowing when to show warmth and when to hold back. At their best, they are a healing force that brings people together — at their worst, they are psychic vampires, able to manipulate and drain the life force of those closest to them.
I can definitely relate to this, and may explain how I can literally go for weeks or months holding back, trying to keep my cool and bring peace, compassion, and understanding to the world, then completely shut down. I trust people implicitly . . . until I don’t trust them, and a lot of times that applies to myself.
But getting back to triathlon . . . I haven’t been running or biking much, but have been in the pool almost daily for the last couple weeks. If Ironman Chattanooga happened today, I’d be ready for leg #1, but would crumble like a Little Debbie cake on the bike and run.
It’s been a deep, and sometimes exhausting, search for what’s ahead. I needed decompression from 15 years in the news business and am starting to feel like myself again. I know that I do love competition, so triathlon will continue, but with a different perspective. One that isn’t so guarded or jaded. One that doesn’t care about what other people think or say. One that truly relishes the journey of self-improvement and genuine friends you meet along the way.