One of the hardest parts about having a blog is consistently believing in what you write.  I can assure you I have been writing, but none of it seems to make sense.

Sometimes I get into these “What the fuck are you talking about” phases and this is certainly one of them.  This was only compounded the other night when I was watching one of the many Stand Up Comedy shows I’ve been devouring on Netflix.  I can’t even remember who the comedian was, maybe Bill Burr, but he said, “As I get older, I realize how full of shit I am.  You never see it when you’re young, but now I start talking and it’s like I can literally watch the bullshit flying out of my mouth.”

In the lifecycle of my triathlon career, this suddenly feels like the maturity phase.  It’s like a condensed version of my eduction.  I’ve finished college, spent two years fucking off, now I have to think about the cold reality of working.

Frankly, I’m not a fan.

So, I’ve decided not to think of it like that.  The reality is, I still don’t know shit about triathlon and should approach it with the zeal of an infant.

For instance, I still have an insatiable urge to be really good in my age group without always being in pain.  And when I say pain, I mean that stupid limp around the house the next day pain because your ankles and hips hurt so much you feel like you just spent the night in the basement of a Quentin Tarantino film.

What is the point of that in training?  I say, save it for race day.

The reason I’m thinking that way is because I have been doing some strength training and running between 5-7 miles at a safe and comfortable pace for a few months now.  Most of that running has been on trails and while it’s hard not to put the hammer down, I’ve been good about not killing myself.  And you know what, it’s kind of enjoyable.

And so is writing when fear of pleasing the readers isn’t holding me back.  I’m always trying to remember the first thing my writing “mentor,” William Zinsser taught me, “Write for yourself.”

They say we become what we think about and I have no reason to doubt that.  I’m convinced that writing about my training helped me understand it better and gave me confidence going into my races.  It’s like I have been there before through visualization.  And all of these posts prepared my mind for what was ahead.  It seemed familiar.

The more I watch, read, and think about sports (or life), the more I realize it comes down to preparation.  Race day results happen long before we toe the line.  And it’s really not even about the race.  It’s about enjoying the process.

So, I am back and I will not claim to know anything you don’t, but I will not fear my thoughts.  I will respect my experience and discuss life’s challenges with exuberance.  Hopefully some of it will resonate, even when it’s complete bullshit.

 

The Courage To Be Yourself

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