So, I know you’re thinking this is a cheap ploy to seduce blog views with track backs, twitter trends, and story tags, but in this age of “integrity in journalism,” it is my responsibility, and my promise, to create a cohesive weave and relevant connection between the Fab Five, Beyonce and Ironman Wisconsin.

Ya see, I used to live in Rockford, IL, which is where Michelle Williams of Destiny’s Child is from, and the tv station I worked for did an interview with her.  We held it back as a special “sweeps story” but I don’t recall it being very compelling.  Certainly not as compelling as Beyonce doing the Super Bowl Halftime Show, which is evidently sponsored by . . . Beyonce???

Hmm . . . this may be a long shot, but since Beyonce is spending big bucks to be the Super Bowl Halftime Entertainment, maybe she is ripe to a little niche marketing with a few triathletes training for Ironman Wisconsin?  The Fab Five is a charismatic bunch, and since this blog is the universal voice of the team, I am quite sure we’d would be open to wearing a bike jersey with Beyonce’s face on our backs.

I mean, these guys are pretty laid back about stuff like that, and since Beyonce seems to be intrigued by producing video games, we’d be more than willing to let her use our likenesses for triathlete characters in a new X-Box release. fab4plus1a

With all great marketing partnerships there are “added value” components and we would definitely let her set up a booth for her beauty products at the expo or just outside of the transition area.

But the true value for Beyonce would be in the personality of the characters.

430252_2925130439931_1844748690_nPersonally, I would totally be down with wearing her first official fragrance, “Heat,” or third official fragrance, “Pulse,” as I cross the finish line and hug hundreds of supporters.  This is some serious grass roots shit that she really needs to be thinking about.  We’re meeting the people where they walk (or run as the case may have it). Not to mention I will gladly pull some seaweed from Lake Monona for testing in skin cream prototypes.

882_4614175104691_258020759_nWe have a guy like Jim Schwan, who is prime real estate for a new hair care product.  Beyonce has been working with L’Oréal since she was 18, and while I’m sure pretty sure she targets African American females, imagine the cross-over possibilities if a future line infiltrated corporate middle aged white men.  They’re everywhere these days, and Jim Schwan is their new spokesmodel!

KevinPBR

We also graciously offer Kevin Gammon.  He’s a master of changing from running gear into jeans and a corduroy jacket he keeps in the trunk of his ride.  He looks damn good, but frankly I’m not sure how often his trunk gear gets to the dry cleaner.  Beyonce has a fix for that, it’s called Deréon by Beyoncé and is sold in Brazil.  Sure, the collection includes tailored blazers with padded shoulders, little black dresses, embroidered tops and shirts and bandage dresses, but, if Kevin can meet Brazilian women, the couture itself, is a non-issue.

MarkSmileMirrorMark Scrivner is widely known as an entrepreneurial badass in some sections of East Nashville and his acumen will certainly appeal to Beyonce’s business instincts.  Mark is always open to new ventures and, his company, Snap Shot would totally build her an online video resume at cost.  I’d imagine he’d even shoot her next Pepsi commercial if he could squeeze it in around Chamber of Commerce commitments.

DanielshaveAnd, Daniel Hudgins could be her gold mine in waiting.  This guy is sellable!  Hell, speaking of hair care, he made over 3,000 bucks just shaving his head.  A wig patterned after his original hair would sell like hotcakes on Gallatin Pike. “Excuse me ma’am, do you carry “The El Daniel?” He is a personable, likeable guy, and I’ve seen firsthand how he can drive blog readership by simply sharing a post on his Facebook feed.  I’m almost positive he would put a gold grill on his teeth to help Beyonce publicize her philanthropic efforts.

So now we just have to wait.  The idea is in the universe, and the ball is in Beyonce’s court.  In fairness to her, I have compiled a quick reference list of the advantages and potential pitfalls of a marketing partnership with the Fab Five:

Potential advantages

–          Daniel is in a Barbershop Quartet with a lot of traction

–          A gorgeous black woman is occasionally attracted to average white guys

–          Oprah’s dad lives in Nashville

–          Connections with the Titans could get her a halftime gig at LP field

–          Plenty of extra bikes to ride when she gets her Inglewood’s confused

Potential Pitfalls

–          Beer Drinkers don’t always translate in fashion industry

–          Potential Cussing on live TV

–          Marginal dancers

–          In bed before Hollywood parties start

–          Tend to spend a lot of time acting like big shots at Nashville Running Company

Beyonce' Knowles, Meet the Fab Five

Comments

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2 thoughts on “Beyonce' Knowles, Meet the Fab Five

  • February 2, 2013 at 10:48 am
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    Hilarious.

    • February 4, 2013 at 4:40 pm
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      Thanks, man! We’re holding out hope!

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