Mike Tarrolly — Co-host of the Crushing Iron Podcast

I knew the day would come, but no amount of preparation can soothe the pain of losing a dog. She was fading fast and I’m pretty sure it was the right decision, but I’ll never fully know.

Everything I do brings her to my mind. I’ll open the fridge and wonder if she wants a snack. I get on the treadmill and wonder why she isn’t lying there watching. I’ll open the front door and look to see if she needs to go out. She was a fighter and usually game for whatever silly idea I had in mind.

Sometimes these thoughts bring a tear to my eye. I miss petting her and asking her questions she would never answer. I miss seeing her eyes light up when I was making her breakfast. All these little things that I appreciated daily, but didn’t know how much.

I’m not sure the pain will ever fully go away, but I’m fortunate to have a group of friends and athletes that helped me get a grip when I thought I might crumble for good. They sent me heart felt messages and I thought I would share some of them.

Messages from Athletes

• I am so sorry to hear.  She is one of the best and you’ve given her the best life for 15 years. As strange as it seems, I think giving them the gift of not suffering is really special.   I’ll let all my best pups know to keep an eye out for her at the rainbow bridge this afternoon.  The squirrels and sunshine will be waiting for her. 

• I’m so very sorry to hear about Mattie. I have no doubt that you’ve given her all the love she deserved and the best life she could have ever wanted. Letting our dogs cross that rainbow bridge is incredibly difficult, but there is peace waiting for her. Take all the time you need. Sending you a huge hug.

• I’m so sorry to hear this. We said goodbye to one of our dogs in September right after moving to Austin and know how difficult it is. Keeping you all in my thoughts and please let me know if there’s anything I can do to help you out.

• So sorry to hear Mike!  Those are a few of the hardest things I have done for some of the best friends I have had.  I’ll be praying for you my friend.

• I’m so sorry to hear about Mattie. Although it doesn’t make anything any easier I think it is true that pets have a way of letting us know when it is time. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. 

• You have given her an amazing life and she has been well loved. There will never be enough time with our pups but she will always be a piece of your heart. Wishing you peace and the ability to focus on all of your happiness together as she finally gets to rest pain free.

• I’m so sorry to hear about Mattie. One of my cats had her first seizure 4 years ago yesterday. I was just thinking about it yesterday. I wasn’t ready and I don’t think she was either for it to be the end in January but several months, she really told me when it was time. It’s never easy to end their lives but when it’s time, I think they appreciate the end of their pain. I’m so sorry for your loss. 

• We are blessed to have them even if, for a short time. They are, in every way, the best that this world has to offer. Unconditional loyalty, love, and companionship are only the biggest gifts we get from them; there are just too many to list. We are better human because of our pets. They teach us patience, compassion, to live in the moment, and most of all, they teach us to have short memories and forgive. Every day, everything is new to them. 

• I’m so sorry to hear about Mattie. Losing a pet is like losing a member of the family, and my heart truly goes out to you. I’ve been through it a few times myself, and I can tell you, it never really gets easier. Time is the only thing that helps. While their lives may be shorter than ours, the love they give us is endless, and that stays with us forever.

•   I’m so sorry to hear about Mattie.  I’m thinking of you as you make the hardest decision for her today.  She’s had the best dog life with you.   You made her a very happy dog.   15 long years is an incredible life.  

 I always try to remember when it’s time to let one go, it’s the last kind thing I can do for them.    It’ll break your heart but she won’t be left to suffer.   I’m so sorry.  It’s the hardest part about loving them. 

• I am so sorry to hear about Mattie. Sending you all the positive thoughts and vibes. I hope you can find some peace in the coming days. We’ll all be here when you’re ready. Take your time. 

• Man,  Sorry to hear what you are going through…This poem, “When Great Trees Fall,” by Maya Angelou is about people, but I think it is apropos for our beloved pets when, as W.H. Auden wrote, that “miraculous birth” occurs.

• I’m really sorry to hear about Mattie.  Just last year we had to do the same thing and it’s awful.  Don’t worry about catching up with my training.  I’m fine keeping it going until you’re ready.
• I am so very sorry about Mattie.  Rudyard Kipling said, the price of a good gundog is a broken heart at the end.

She means a whole lot to you, and I guarantee you gave her the best life anyone could. You were the best, most loving dog dad there could be, and she knew it too!

• I’m so deeply sorry for the pain you are feeling. So sorry for the loss your heart will feel.So thankful for the unconditional love she has shown you. You’re in my thoughts and prayers.

• Dude! I’m so sorry to hear all of this. We have been through the same recently as we had to put our 9 year old Dane down at the beginning of December. It sucks, and it’s unfair, but we still love them no matter what.

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There were many more beautiful messages by text and other comments on FB and all of the love helped me immensely. Thank you everyone. I’m doing my best but it still hurts.

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Life is hard enough without death . . . especially if it’s a dog that you love more than you even know.

I adopted Mattie as a 1-month old and 14 and a half years later she’s chasing squirrels in heaven. The week that led to putting her down was easily one of the hardest of my life. 

It’s been three days and I’ve had a million emotions. I keep looking for her when I get up and wondering if she wants to share something every time I open the refrigerator. 

She was ready to go, but kept showing me she wasn’t going easy. Even as she resisted the first round of sedation and looked up into my eyes as if to say, “I’m trying, dad.” 

She was a lover and a fighter. 

Of course there’s been sadness and grief, but ultimately I’m starting to see a picture of what this all means. Mattie gave me two of the greatest gifts anyone can share: She saved my life, then let go so I could be free. 

In 2010, I was in my mid-40s, alone, and living in a new home in East Nashville. I didn’t know a lot of people other than my drinking buddies up at the Village Pub. One of them was Roger who was a massive dog lover and kept suggesting I adopt a buddy. After many rejections, I gave in to the idea of a two week foster and soon after I was walking through PetSmart with a tiny dog sitting on the top part of my shopping cart. 

That little girl didn’t have a name at the time and I scrambled behind her for two weeks cleaning up poop and pee at an alarming rate. I was now driving home at lunch to check on her and my stress level was doubled. 

On “decision day” Roger came by my house and I told him I couldn’t do it. He tried to talk me through it, but I said I wasn’t a dog guy and the poop and pee thing was driving me crazy. I said I’m sure there’s someone out there for her. 

I was being selfish and knew it. It was a public stage for my fear of commitment. It was stubbornness we all feel when we know we should do something, but are resisting on a muddy principle. 

We both sat in silence and I tried not to look at that cute little puppy. She was truly a heart melter and as I complained about the poop and pee I could feel my soul harden. This poor little girl was left in the street by someone and here I was rejecting her again. It brings a tear to my eye thinking about how I can be so selfish.

As Roger and I sat in silence I could hear those little dog feet clicking against the hardwood floor. Reluctantly I glanced toward her, and for the first time she walked toward the open door and onto deck. She cautiously stepped outside, then gingerly hopped down the deck stairs. We stood in the doorway and watched as she walked to the grass and peed outside for the first time on her own. 

She was just a baby. Still scared and confused, but wanted to show me her courage. It was an unbelievable moment of how powerful the universe can be and I instantly knew I would keep her. She fought her way back up and wagged her tail the whole time as she sat between my feet. 

Roger stayed another couple hours and we drank beer and watched football with Mattie. 

There were a lot of challenging times, but Mattie kept getting up off the ground. She needed me every day and it taught me responsibility that I now embrace without thinking. 

The last couple years she developed arthritis and I searched high and low to help reduce her inflammation. Some days were better than others, but the last few months she really struggled.

She limped her way out to pee and poop. Never complaining, but many times she just sat down in the yard until I’d come and help her up. I tried everything, hoping for a miracle, but last week she told me that miracle wasn’t coming and she was at peace with it. 

As if to say, “I’m tired dad, it’s okay to let me go.”

Just one more time I wanted to see that youthful energy and especially that wagging tail. But she was shutting down. I would have carried her to the moon, but that’s not what she wanted. She wanted to set me free.

And as hard as it is, that’s what she did. 

I was an out-of-control-train before she taught me to slow down, love harder, and commit to that love in the moment. She taught me how to be responsible for myself and others. 

Now she has left me on my own and in some ways I feel like a scared and confused puppy. She became my rock and now it’s my turn to graciously depend on others to give me the love I need. 

Dogs know how to live from the beginning. Even when they’re on a leash they explore every inch of that space. They are free within every box. They choose happiness first and always lead with love. 

Like a Zen Master, Mattie taught me these lessons and walked into the darkness. She looked back one last time and said, “I’ll always be with you. Let go of the rope, and live the life you’re meant to live.”

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By Mike Tarrolly — Co-host of the Crushing Iron Podcast

Rickey Henderson died at 65 yesterday and it was a little punch to my gut. He is still the best base stealer in MLB history and probably one of my top 10 favorite players.

Here’s the short speech he made after breaking Lou Brock’s stolen base record. “Today, I’m the greatest of all time.”

His death reminds me of two things:

• Even the greatest athletes have fun on the field
• Life is short

My “Interaction” With Rickey Henderson

Oakland was in town to play the Brewers and we had left field bleacher seats, which were within earshot of the great Rickey Henderson. He was pretty cocky and liked to interact with the fans and I’ll never forget how amazed I was that he was knee deep in a major league baseball game but seemed more interested in us fans.

It was all in fun, but he would look up and point to the scoreboard or whatever and that day the fans were giving it back to him. People around us where screaming, “Your white shoes are ugly” and laughing. He’d kind of look around and kneel down to give them a fake shoe shine.

This went on for a few innings and finally someone started yelling, “Rickey, you suck!”

Henderson kind of half-assed glanced up. Then back at the batter for the pitch. Then back at us, etc.

Finally, Rickey put his glove up in front of his face, then lifted his other hand inside the leather and casually flipped us the bird.

I thought it was the coolest thing ever. A few minutes later he drifted under and caught a fly ball before looking back and smiling as he ran into the dugout.

We can talk about intensity and focus all we want, but I will always believe that the greatest athletes are the most confident and relaxed.

Nothing Like a Great Reminder

My image of Rickey Henderson is one of strength, speed and health. A world class athlete that almost seemed invincible. He was just 4 years older than me, but now he’s gone. Just another reminder to live each day.

If you’re like me, you have a lot of goals you’d like to accomplish in life. Maybe it’s travel certain places, write a book, or “get in the best shape of your life.” Well, I’m here to remind you that today is a great day to start.

I didn’t know Rickey, but I know more and more people who are getting sick and losing their health in a hurry. This is the one thing that pains me most as I get older. Watching friends or family members struggle to do the simplest things in life.

And it reminds me that this is why we fight through workouts when it’s the last thing we want to do.

This reality is burned into my mind.

Yes, it sucks to feel a little sore in the morning, but what am I going to do to make that go away for another day? How can I get some momentum going and take my body to a higher place?

I don’t wallow in suffering or the little aches and pains, I am progressive in my attempts to make them go away. We must resist getting weak at all costs. All too often I see friends who can barely walk because they sit too much and now can’t hold their bodyweight.

I saw it with my dad. For the last 6 weeks of his life he laid in a hospice bed and never got up. We took care of his needs, but it didn’t have to be that way.

It started with him never walking on the golf course. Always in a cart and slowly but surely he lost his ability to walk. Sure, he wasn’t feeling great much of the time, but I do think the fact that he wasn’t moving was a huge reason.

The minute we give in, we’re toast. We have to keep moving.

A lot of people get trapped in fantasy of being someone they see on Instagram or YouTube and is ultimately why they give up. We have to be ourselves and find our own sweet spots. For me, that can be SUP boarding instead of swimming. Hiking instead of biking. Walking instead of running.

I still swim, bike and run, but I let it come to me when my body says its ready. I don’t force a zero to sixty kind of day, I’ll go from zero to twenty, then maybe push it up to sixty later in the day.

I’m very passionate about this because I’ve seen the pattern with dozens of athletes. They can’t hold up the the imaginary image they have of themselves, so they just throw in the towel. These athletes are in their 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, and 60’s. One day they just vanish from Training Peaks because triathlon overwhelms them.

But, we have to keep doing things. I don’t care if it’s walking or playing pickle ball. Please keep adding movement to your days. Trust me, I know it’s hard, but doing something manageable today is enough.

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By Mike Tarrolly – Co-host of Crushing Iron Podcast

The last week or so I’ve been moping around and kinda acting soft, so today I had a little talk with myself.

I started the day by building a music playlist and listening to it changed my attitude. All the great old funk I used to listen to back in the day. It gave me some much needed clarity and energy.

I think it’s natural to have ebbs and flows, but sometimes you have to shake yourself out of it. No more being soft for a while. Get out and run. Feel the snow, ice and wind.

Be free in nature. Five miles of lake to explore. Go your own way.

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Mike Tarrolly — Co-host of the Crushing Iron Podcast

There is an onslaught of information out there and it can really tie you in a knot with regard to living our purpose.

I’m a “victim” of overanalyzing at times. I’ll sit on YouTube, see a headline, and just KNOW that is going to solve my “problem” at the time. Invariably, it doesn’t hit the spot and I move onto another one.

I used to do the same thing with bookstores. I’d feel this insatiable urge to go get a book that was going to help me sort out my life. I’d be there in Barnes and Noble sifting through titles for about an hour and usually come back to one premise: I already know what I need to do, I just need to do it.

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YouTube is loaded with regular people sitting on their couch telling you how you should live your life. And it’s very tempting and it can definitely be a short term solution when you’re looking for some juice.

The insinuation is, we all have problems or aren’t living right or aren’t being a strong enough person. We go into it from a “less-than” mindset, but then we do a few things and suddenly we’re a badass.

But it rarely sticks.

And that’s why I’m back at square one in a sense, by listening to my gut.

We all know the answer and would be better served by cutting out the noise and paying attention to what’s important in our own lives.

Take the podcast we do, for example. If we really “tried” to make it blow up and go viral, I’m 99% sure we wouldn’t be doing it anymore. We get Skype twice a week, throw around a couple loose ideas, and go for it. No real pressure, we just talk about stuff we’re passionate about. And we treat it as therapy in a loose conversation. It could easily become an “obligation” be we both enjoy doing it.

And somewhere along the line simply enjoying something became a negative.

So, let’s take that to the next level with training.

Training is a funny word. By definition it means teaching, or developing in oneself or others, any skills and knowledge or fitness that relate to specific useful competencies.

The key words in that definition are “useful competencies.”

Is what we’re doing helping us get better at triathlon, or more specifically better at life?

As a coach that’s very important to me because it’s not uncommon to see athletes fall off the cliff during training. They vanish from Training Peaks only to come back a few weeks later and say they needed a break. I never judge because I do the same thing at times. The real question is . . . why?

This morning I had a plan to start Andrew Huberman’s morning routine. It’s something I think is powerful and would like to build the habit. Essentially it is this:

• A glass of water with a little salt upon waking
• Cold plunge or shower
• No coffee until 60-90 minutes after waking up
• Light activity for 30 minutes
• Then dive into your work

I seriously do think that’s a good plan, and I even felt pretty good this morning. But . . . it was 0 degrees in the garage where my plunge tank sits and the idea of drinking water and sitting in freezing water didn’t make me too happy. And I sort of felt like coffee.

I was literally walking around trying to convince myself to start this program. I was moving slowly and I felt good. I felt in control of my life. I felt like, “you know, I don’t want to do this right now, and what’s wrong with that?”

Art Bell wrote a book called “The Quickening,” and while I didn’t read it all, the concept has always been fascinating to me. Modern life moves so fast and I feel like we can get trapped in the pacing. It’s like continually living in a mental Zone 3 or 4 without realizing it.

Time is running out! Don’t waste your life! Regrets kill!

All of these things are constantly shoved in our face and disguised as nurturing advice, but listen to people at the end of their lives talk about what’s important and it’s usually stuff like spending times with friends and family, not working so hard, taking more time for their hobbies.

So, I didn’t do the morning plan today and actually wrote a note next to each activity that said “ease in.” The hard core motivators will say I missed my chance, but I have come around to the point where I think the best habits are built from love.

The funny part is, I didn’t even need Huberman or science to realize this is a morning routine that will serve me well. It’s been in my head for a long time.

And that’s why I truly think all of this has to start from within by slowing ourselves down and listening to the gut. Are we fighting the current of our own body and mind because someone else told us we should do it, or are we nourishing our own instincts by giving them a chance to breathe?

I think we often have this quest for perfection but don’t really even understand what that means. Everything is perfect, even when it’s kinda fucked up. And, most importantly, it’s okay to simply feel good without putting yourself into a pain chamber to prove it.

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By Mike Tarrolly — Co-Host of the Crushing Iron Podcast

On a frigid night in Central Wisconsin I explore a few thoughts about chronic fatigue as it relates to training and especially long term participation in Ironman.

This kind of stuff is very important to me because I live by the mantra of feeling younger as I get older. It’s a mentality on many aspects, but I do sometimes wonder if 11 straight years of Ironman has taken more toll than I realize.

It’s the simple signs, really. Bending over to pick something up (often lately that is my 50lb dog that can’t get up anymore) and even simple things like moving up and down stairs. That little bit of a feeling that I don’t have total command of my legs due to soreness.

Should we be working in more days off or adding super low impact activities? I even wonder about too much stretching as well. It seems to reason that stretching already sore muscles will not make things better.

I talk it through and also look at the thought of whether or not it makes sense to take the Ironman bike easier if it means you’ll be on the course for another hour.

Let me know if you have any thoughts, and as always, these ideas are not backed by science.

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Mike Tarrolly – Co-host of the Crushing Iron Podcast

Lately I’ve been fascinated by a few guys on YouTube who have decided to give up the hustle. It’s all a quest to get more in touch with nature and their true selves.

I never fully trust YouTube videos but the question is something worth exploring and there is a lot of comfort in realizing someone else has the same thoughts as you.

Yesterday was a genuine gray blanket in central Wisconsin and I wasn’t motivated in the least, but when the gray turned to sleet, then snow, I felt a very real desire to get “into it.” It wasn’t inspired by a book or video but a yearning to feel.

I was already wearing a hoodie and just grabbed a pair of gloves and went for it. The water is 40 degrees and the temperature was around 29. It was cold, but I took a 15 minute spin and felt that cold

I have often felt that the way a lot of us live life is really messed up. We sit in front of computers endlessly and type in numbers or words to fulfill tasks or solve problems that often seem empty.

We rush around to hit artificial deadlines only to move onto the next. That pressure never seems to go away and it seems to cloud our ability to enjoy our lives. 

This is the time of year to reflect. and sometimes I feel like I’m running out of things to say.

The more I simplify my life, the less that needs to be spoken. The complex abyss we create seems to lift like a fog and all that’s left is what’s in front of us. The moment. 

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Mike Tarrolly – Co-Host of the Crushing Iron Podcast

I think one of the most important things I discovered during this video was how we work through soreness or discomfort. I came to the conclusion while trying to start throwing a baseball again after many years of shoulder pain. What I discovered is that maybe the way through the pain is through the pain?

The more I threw the ball against this rebounder, the less my shoulder hurt. But I started really slow and stayed patient. I find this fascinating because I think many of us deal with this on a low level as we get older. Not just shoulders, but our back, knees, ankles, neck, whatever. Maybe that’s just part of the process and our real power lies in the action of working through it.

It’s true with most of my runs. The first mile or so can feel almost unbearable at times, but as I loosen up, I feel much better. Then at the end, I feel great. So, my new mantra (especially in the morning) is don’t believe it and get moving.

Here are some of the topics raised by my athletes in Training Peaks over the week that fuel this discussion:

• Zone 2 and why I feel like it’s so important to be working on at this time of year.
• Head colds and how to beat them before they get you down
• Speed work
• Swimming with fins?
• A great marker for swim confidence
• Working your way through soreness
• Deep breathing
• The right way to multi-task workouts
• Cold plunging and saunas
• Confidence

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Mike Tarrolly – Co-Host of the Crushing Iron Podcast

Mike explores new technology and goes back to his first Ironman at Wisconsin. He talks about the experience of a mass start and re-visits the idea of pursuing a documentary on the journey he took with 4 others that year.

Mike Tarrolly – Co-Host of the Crushing Iron Podcast

Happy Veterans Day! Thank you for your service.

Today Mike ramble about brain fog, pinched shoulders, one of his favorite unknown bands, yoga, plunges and playing wiffle ball at 60 years old.

Link to Hindu Rodeo’s Wilderness: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wke_CbcoRTI

Sleep baseball radio: https://www.sleepbaseball.com/

Email Mike: [email protected]