By Mike Tarrolly – Co-host of the Crushing Iron podcast
For the last month or so I’ve been waking up and writing three pages in a spiral notebook. Just me, my thoughts, pen and paper. I’m not writing about anything in particular, just spilling my morning brain on paper and building a simple habit.
Most days start as gibberish, but by the end I often create a “theme for the day.” Sometimes that means to just chill and be compassionate. Other days provide a big picture wake up call.
Like today.
I slept good last night and woke with that “rested brain” feeling. I had a bit more clarity along with a feeling that my brain was literally detoxing from life’s programming. Then, I connected an overwhelming association between how my brain felt and the feeling I get from looking at my phone too much.
I started writing about why we look at phones so much. It genuinely makes me sad when I walk by people and see them with their nose buried in a phone. It looks like mental illness . . . and it is.
Slow, methodical, and calculated mental illness.
It’s not our fault. We have been tricked into thinking we need a phone with us at all times and slowly reenforce this crack-like addiction until we’re laying in bed with a virtual syringe.
About ten years ago I lost my phone and couldn’t get a replacement for three days. The first day I kept checking my pocket and looking around the house for my phone. It wasn’t there. I was tired and stressed. The feeling calmed a bit on day two and I was “okay” because I knew it would in my hand by tomorrow.
But before I got the phone, I had a breakthrough.
I woke up on day three with a natural desire to trim trees in my backyard. Later, I was cleaning out the basement and even took the rugs into my driveway to scrub and spray them. In the middle of that process a thought dawned on me . . . “what the fuck am I doing?”
These were projects I’d put off for years and was suddenly in them without thinking. I had a new level of energy and my phone was a distant memory. It was unbelievable and I knew then how the phone overloads us.
The phone didn’t come that day, and I didn’t care.
But it came the next day and my reaction was stunning. I felt like I’d gotten a piece of myself back. I un-boxed it and patiently spent hours getting everything set up again. I had my phone back!
I may have spent less time on the phone that day, but by the next day I was full-on back into texting, social media, and mindless scrolling.
I didn’t lose my phone today, but decided to drive to the store without it this morning. I felt a little empty (even saying that sounds absurd). But when I turned down a tree-lined street I actually “saw” how beautiful it was. Snow covered the road and the branches. I took it slow and just soaked it all in.
I felt relaxed and in the moment.
For the whole drive I just thought about the potency of phone addiction.
I also thought about why it’s so dangerous for our thinking patterns. Everything is based on outrage and dividing opinions.
I thought about how easy it is to get mad or to be distracted, not only in the moment, but as you go about your next action. That could be work, being present with your kids or dog, or training.
Distraction is the killer. It splits our brain and takes energy away from what we’re doing in the moment. And it’s so easy to just “accept” that that’s what life is now.
We get on a bike trainer to do something good for our body and mind, but can’t “get through it” without Neftlix. I understand that perspective but in reality it’s just more proof that we are getting programmed. We just cannot be alone with our thoughts.
And I think that should be the goal. Swimming, cycling, and running with our own thoughts and breath in nature.
But addictions are tough to break, so I’m taking a realistic but mindful approach to this one.
Get up. Do my writing. Do my short walk/run. Meditate. THEN look at my phone. That’s probably an hour.
I’ll also stop bringing it with me to every room in the house, or on runs or whatever. Just keep it out of arm’s reach.
Then simply just say, “okay, check your messages, then put it back down.”
It’s so fucking weird to think that we have this thing in our hand at all times. We sit down to eat or shit and it’s nearly impossible not to look for some stupid shit that can distract us. And the real problem is, a day or two without it really feels like you’re detoxing.
Relapse is so much easier because it doesn’t feel like it affects you in the way drugs or alcohol do. But it does, and it may be even more insidious because you don’t really notice . . . it’s a slow burn . . . until it’s too late and your mind is completely different. You don’t recognize yourself anymore because that distracted state has been normalized. But we’re all phone addicts and today is the day to start the slow, but powerful re-programming of your one and only mind.
Post script: Since writing this I have added another little clause to my rules regarding the phone. I will leave it in the other room and whenever I want to check it I have to do 20 pushups or 20 crunches or a dead hang, combined with splashing cold water on my face. I’m not sure if this is “earning” the right to look at my phone, or a punishment, but it’s a subtle way to add fitness and makes me think twice.
Contact Mike: [email protected]