Not many variables in triathlon are more important than believing in yourself . . . but self-doubt can be relentless.  Over the course of my athletic career I have come to the conclusion there’s only one way to change self-defeating voices in your head, it’s called: Diving In.

Facing fear has never been easy, but it always makes me feel alive.  If you’re afraid to talk to a stranger, go for a dream job, or sign up for an Ironman, do it . . . now.

When you think about it, fear is what makes life interesting.  It forces us to think, adapt, and grow.

Other than actually completing long training swims, rides, and runs, the next best thing for my confidence is writing.  It’s therapy that leads me through the event before it happens.  It’s problem solving in advance that settles in my subconscious.

Life is about learning and writing let’s me visualize every stage of the game.  It hasn’t always been perfect, but my race “visions” and results have been pretty consistent with my writing forecasts.

I just read an article by Chris Bagg for LAVA magazine that gives some ideas for keeping your head in the game during training and races.  After a “prolonged shuffle through the filing cabinets of his athletic past” he finally (I think) got to the point of his piece with this:

I hope to make a point today about mental toughness: how easy it is to have it when we have no knowledge of it, how devastating its absence can be to any kind of athlete, and how difficult (yet possible!) it is for any of us to regain it. I should say, here, that I am indebted to Jesse Kropelnicki at QT2 Systems for working with me on my mental game, and to the United States Olympic Committee’s excellent handbook on the subject: Sport Psychology: Mental Training Manual. Essentially they focus on two key elements of mental strength.  

It all honestly took some mental toughness to read the piece, but here’s what I took away:

Use positive affirmations, relax, and try to approach races like they are practice.

You can read the entire article here.  

[follow_me]

One of the hardest parts about having a blog is consistently believing in what you write.  I can assure you I have been writing, but none of it seems to make sense.

Sometimes I get into these “What the fuck are you talking about” phases and this is certainly one of them.  This was only compounded the other night when I was watching one of the many Stand Up Comedy shows I’ve been devouring on Netflix.  I can’t even remember who the comedian was, maybe Bill Burr, but he said, “As I get older, I realize how full of shit I am.  You never see it when you’re young, but now I start talking and it’s like I can literally watch the bullshit flying out of my mouth.”

In the lifecycle of my triathlon career, this suddenly feels like the maturity phase.  It’s like a condensed version of my eduction.  I’ve finished college, spent two years fucking off, now I have to think about the cold reality of working.

Frankly, I’m not a fan.

So, I’ve decided not to think of it like that.  The reality is, I still don’t know shit about triathlon and should approach it with the zeal of an infant.

For instance, I still have an insatiable urge to be really good in my age group without always being in pain.  And when I say pain, I mean that stupid limp around the house the next day pain because your ankles and hips hurt so much you feel like you just spent the night in the basement of a Quentin Tarantino film.

What is the point of that in training?  I say, save it for race day.

The reason I’m thinking that way is because I have been doing some strength training and running between 5-7 miles at a safe and comfortable pace for a few months now.  Most of that running has been on trails and while it’s hard not to put the hammer down, I’ve been good about not killing myself.  And you know what, it’s kind of enjoyable.

And so is writing when fear of pleasing the readers isn’t holding me back.  I’m always trying to remember the first thing my writing “mentor,” William Zinsser taught me, “Write for yourself.”

They say we become what we think about and I have no reason to doubt that.  I’m convinced that writing about my training helped me understand it better and gave me confidence going into my races.  It’s like I have been there before through visualization.  And all of these posts prepared my mind for what was ahead.  It seemed familiar.

The more I watch, read, and think about sports (or life), the more I realize it comes down to preparation.  Race day results happen long before we toe the line.  And it’s really not even about the race.  It’s about enjoying the process.

So, I am back and I will not claim to know anything you don’t, but I will not fear my thoughts.  I will respect my experience and discuss life’s challenges with exuberance.  Hopefully some of it will resonate, even when it’s complete bullshit.

1.  I still can’t get over how awesome it is to take off on an open-ended run, but paranoia is a crazy thing, and though I work hard to live in the moment, sometimes I get anxious about things that shouldn’t even be in my head.
2.  No matter how many times I run into the park I always forget that dog on the corner and his bark scares the shit out of me.
3.  This racial tension in our society is really a bummer and I have no solution.
4.  I have this fantasy that one day we will be so evolved as humans that cops won’t need guns.
5.  For the first two miles of blacktop I contemplated whether or not I would turn off into the trails.  It was getting dark and it’s just one of those, “Maybe the best decision is to play it safe.” I wasn’t that worried, but then I started thinking about all the BS we’re exposed to these days.  My first thought was that I would step into one of those traps that lasso your foot and spring you upside down while a bunch of hillbillies contemplate their method of torture.  I also feared I might step on a pile of leaves disguised as a Vietnam jungle pit with long spikes waiting to pierce my plantar fasciitus.  Then I thought about the Seinfeld episode where George did the opposite of his first instincts and that convinced me to turn into the dark trail at mile 2.
6.  This section of trail is my favorite because it’s more or less a single track covered with foliage.  But as I turned into paradise, I noticed tire tracks and immediately started hearing the theme song from “Deliverance.” Then I realized a park maintenance crew had completely raped the forest.  Instead of a single track it was now wide enough for two cars.  At first this pissed me off, but then I was slightly relieved because of the aforementioned fears.
7.  Running alone on a trail during the day can be freaky enough, but at dusk, the strange sounds are amplified times 3 (I was going to say times 10, but I think society needs to back off on the exaggeration a little and that was my contribution).  It’s so quiet that even running down a leave-covered-hill can sound like someone is chasing you.
8.  I always think park benches or tree stumps are wild dogs and brace for the worst.
9.  For the life of me, I wish I could do these trail runs as the sun was coming up!
10.  As I closed in on the park exit, I thought I was alone, but at the last intersection looked to my right and saw a guy walking toward me with his hood up.  I made a friendly “hello gesture” with two fingers in the air, but immediately feared he may have thought I was  flipping him the bird.  I kept my 8:22 pace for the last 50 yards of the trail and the whole time I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was about to get shot in the back.

[follow_me]

In 1997 I was working as the Director of Stadium Operations for the Triple-A Indianapolis Indians.  Director of Minor League Operations at the time, Dan Duquette (now a VP for the Baltimore Orioles) was a long time family friend thanks to his relationship with my father.  We were both standing on the field before the game when he asked me a simple question, “What do you want?”

It’s important to understand that Dan could have helped me get whatever I wanted inside the world of professional baseball.  I think he liked me and wanted to help.  Did I want to be in minor league development?  A Major League front office?  Just tell me and we’ll get you on the right track.

It was one of those questions that scared the hell out of me, but I was under the gun and had to come up with an answer.  I looked down, then out at the field and sheepishly said, “I want to be a baseball player.”

I’ll never forget his reaction.  It wasn’t disgust, but it was kind of a “throw your hands in the air, I give up” kinda things.

It was kind of a turning point for me.  I ended up going back to school to finish my degree, then into a myriad of different things before landing in television for 15 years.  I’ve always been one of those guys that likes trying new things and never quite masters anything.

I feel that ugly head rearing itself in triathlon as well.  I still like the principles of being in shape and as healthy as I can be, but am torn about the dedication it takes to pursue Ironman.  I’m registered for Chattanooga and will give it my all, but until then I must find ways to make training a passion.

It can be a relentless grind, but I can’t accept that.  I’m determined to find ways to make swim, bike, run enjoyable, and why not?

I’ve added a new tab along the top of this site called “The Squad,” and our mission will be focused on ways to get better and enjoy the process.  I’ve just never felt like I can put my life into a box, but it certainly doesn’t get easier when its scattered.

So as Dan leads the revival of one of baseball’s most storied franchises, I will continue to search for a deeper fulfillment in my life.  A pursuit of happiness through movement and hopefully a lot of you will join me.

[follow_me]

This is pretty great.  A few days ago I wrote a post called “366 Marathons in a Year?” and put one snarky line in there about how “they may have tried to sneak in a couple 25 milers” along the way.  Less than an hour later I found this comment waiting in my inbox:

Hi Mike,
Thanks for featuring us on your blog.
To clarify, we ran a marathon every day for 366 days, no days off. Every day we ran at least 42.2 km (official marathon distance), some days we ran further, so our average for every day was no less than 43.12 km for 366 consecutive marathons.
We were sponsored by Garmin and recorded the running data on the Garmin watch and on the Garmin GPS devices on our two support vehicles.You can’t cheat on the Garmin! So, no, there were no 25 milers happening 
We documented the daily runs on the Garmin and Strava sites and posted the data in our daily Facebook blogs. We have written a book entitled ‘Running Out of Time’ based on the Run, which is available on our website, http://www.RawVeganPath.comand we are currently making a documentary which will be submitted to the Cannes Film Festival in April/May 2015 with the intention of distributing to cinemas worldwide. Please do not hesitate to contact us through our website http://www.RawVeganPath.com if you would like further information. Together, we can make a difference – one step at a time… Janette

This doesn’t quite top the response I got from Dr. Oz, but it’s in the ballpark.

I am genuinely in awe of Janette and Alan’s accomplishment.  It’s one of those deals almost too big to fathom.  I emailed her back and assured her that I was just having fun with the story.  I would actually love to do an interview with them on here . . . if they’re up for it.  (Hint).

Follow this blog on Twitter @CrushingIron 

It wasn’t that long ago when I was dying to get my first race shirt.  Nearly three years later, I fear they may wind up being my demise.

My Couch to 5k program came with tech shirts (see photo from this post) and I was jacked!  I thought it was the coolest thing since I wore a leopard print bandanna to the Indy 500.

Soon after that 5k, I started running with the East Nasties and for some reason, their “hand out the shirt process” was very secretive.  I kept asking and they’d say something like, “Ya just never know!”

Then I helped coach the next Couch to 5K for East Nasty and one of the promises was a shirt.  But I missed the night they handed them out and was literally crushed when Cyrus told me they didn’t have any left.  But, by some stroke of luck, they found an extra and I thought I was the coolest piece of cheese on the shelf!

And speaking of shelves, mine are overflowing with crap.  Mostly race tech shirts I can’t get rid of to save my life.

I’ve been suffering from the Winter Blues lately and my typical remedy is to clear out the clutter.  So, with genuine intent, I stormed into my bedroom and scoweled at that shelf.  I was determined clean the slate, but I stood and stared at that that tech-shirt-overflow for 10 solid minutes.  I was frozen in time and more confused than the morning I took my college ACTs with a hangover.

For 10 minutes, I stayed in a perfectly executed tree pose.  I gazed at those shirts and thought, why can’t I get rid of you?  Why does the “Shamrock 5K” have such a grip on my psyche?  What is it about the “Moosic City Dairy Dash” that makes cling to those utters for life?

It’s perplexing.

So, now, I am in a different room writing about it and those shirts are resting unscathed on their cozy little shelves.  All waiting to laugh in my face when I saunter by with tense and frustrated eyes.

I realize this is not very impressive coming from a guy who claims to be practicing Zen and meditating every night.  Holding onto possessions like this is senseless and certainly no way to find enlightenment.  And how can I not understand that when I hold up this bright orange Rev 3 shirt that is eerily reminiscent of something I would get at Mapco?

This will certainly not go down as my night of awakening.

Follow this site on Twitter @CrushingIron 

1.  We will be slowly migrating the Twitter account over to @CrushingIron so please follow us there to get all Crushing Iron updates.

2.  We’re looking for guest bloggers, so please email Mike ([email protected]) if you would like to re-post one of your favorite articles or write something new for the exposure on Crushing Iron (there could be a free t-shirt in it for you).

3.  We’re working on setting up an online store so you can order some of the awesome Crushing Iron t-shirts that have been floating around at many Ironman events.

4.  We’re about to up the ante on training videos, so keep an eye out for more visual treats.

Thanks for a great year and all the positive feedback!