My Ironman Kona Race Report

This past Saturday, I sat in a hotel room in Huntsville, Alabama and watched the live stream of Kona on my computer, and let me tell you, it felt like I was there!

Well, not really.  But it did get me pumped for the Goosepond 1/2 triathlon I was doing Sunday.

Didn’t really do that either, but it was kinda cool being in Rocket City.  Umm . . .

Yeah, so, it was me, Robbie, Corey and Wasky in two hotel rooms running back and forth with the latest gossip on the pros at Kona  all while throwing in a bit of Gordon Ramsay and Hines Ward snark for good measure.*

“Holy crap, Starykowicz is on pace to break the bike course record.”

“He’s the dude that beat us in Muncie.”

“He’ll never hold it.”

“Hines would crush you, Wasky”

“Whatever.”

“Where’s Kienle?”

“He’s around.”

I kept throwing out Ben Hoffman splits, but nobody seemed to care.  They’ll learn.

“Is that Chris McDonald commentating?”

“Yeah… he tweeted with me the other day about Spyoptic.”

Freshmen gushing at the varsity.
——————-
Robbie was basking in the sore-arm-glow of “Swimming the Suck” earlier that day.  Ten miles of open water on 5 Days notice.

Me, Corey, and Wasky were digging for energy and motivation to race Goosepond the next day.

“What’s the run course like?”

“I’m telling you, it’s PANCAKE FLAT!”

“You sure?”

“Book it.”

“I haven’t done shit since Wisconsin.”

“Join the club, brotha.”

I was NOT ready for a half triathlon but suspected Wasky and Corey, who did Louisville, were in better form.
———————-
We lounged with our laptops and watched as Frederik Van Lierde blew through the tape in 8:12:28 for his first Ironman World Championship.  That’s close to 4 hours faster than I did Wisconsin and damn near as fast as I’d do Goosepond the next day.

Well, sort of.  I did 5:35 ish.

Van Lierde’s bike was 4:25 for 112 miles.  My bike split at Goosepond was 2:36 (actually 2:40 because I got a 4:00 penalty, which I’m still steaming about . . . not really, but you can read about it here).  That 2:36 was about all I had and it felt like I was re-writing the record books.  IF I could have done that for another 56 miles (which is more than highly doubtful) I would have dismounted after 5:12, a pretty f-ing amazing time, but dude rocked a 4:25 in the crosswinds before running at 2:51 marathon?  Who are these freaks?

Then, there’s Mirinda Carfrae, who got off the bike around 10 minutes back and casually threw down a 2:50 marathon?  I’m sitting there on that comfortable ass bed in Huntsville, Alabama watching her float on air at mile 25 thinking . . . that’s the babe that tweeted at me about Brittany Spears tickets a few weeks ago.  Small damn world.

Then we gathered the backpacks and went into Goosepond for our ass-kicking.

CMWkona*  Just getting into the race is an accomplishment. Each year, more than 80,000 athletes vie for a shot to be on the starting line, but only 1,900 men and women make it.  (Source, and crappy article by the LA Times about Ramsay’s Ironman that anyone in the world with a computer could have written)

Muncie Here We Come

I used to live in Indianapolis, and rarely left the city unless it was on a highway that led out of state (or to Brownsville for softball) but this July I will sink my teeth into Muncie. slideshow-template I’ll be joined by at least two of the other guys in the Phat 5 (recently changed because these people have already used Fab 5 in connection with Ironman Wisconsin, which bummed me out a little, but doesn’t surprise me and I’m excited to see their film).

Muncie, Indiana, home of Ball State University and 118,769 fine Hoosiers.  I once worked with a guy who went to Ball State and he loved to talk about the rich basketball tradition that included high-flying stars like Chandler Thompson, silky smooth Ray McCallum, and electrifying Bonzi Wells.  Maybe one or all of them will be giving back by working one of the Ironman water stations.

This will be my first plunge into an Ironman event and a great opportunity to meet the Mayor or tell the Ball Corporation founders about my mother’s love for their canning jars and how the the stench emitted from that process has left me scarred as an adult.  If time permits, I’d certainly like to swing by Harrison college or take a picture under Shafer Tower.

Of course, none of this will be possible until I update my license plate tags, which will not be easy considering I failed my emissions test.  Last time I checked, “Service Engine Soon,” doesn’t necessarily mean my car is dousing the environment with toxic waste . . . but I suppose it could be.  Either way, I will surely have to drop another $500 on my car for the privilege of spending another $100 for a little sticker.  I’m sure the Mayor of Muncie will have some wisdom on the topic.

So, what’s the goal for Muncie 70.3?  Well, last year’s race distance was altered, but the year before my new Facebook friend, Ben Hoffman, won with a time of 3:48:14, which is a little ridiculous, but I’m thinking 5:48:14 is about right for me.  That would be exactly two hours behind Ben.

45 minutes for the swim, 2:45 on the bike and two on the run.  The rest in transition.

But, that’s all a long ways off.  This weekend is the first Sprint Tri of the year and the whole team will be there trying to kick my ass, and they surely will if I keep dreaming about Muncie, Indiana.