If you’ve been reading this blog for a while you’re probably familiar with my neighbor, James. He’s not a triathlete, but he is loaded with motivation and not afraid to share it. Lately I have been avoiding him because I have been slacking on my workouts and ole boy doesn’t miss a thing.
This morning, I was out walking my dog, Mattie, and he caught me in the front yard. Hell hath no fury like Neighbor James.
James: Damn, Mike, where the hell you been?
Me: Oh, you know, just . . .
James: Mike, don’t give me no damn bullshit, I see you gettin’ fat.
Me: Well, I guess I put on a couple pounds.
James: A couple? Damn, Mike, you look like you been rollin’ wit Oprah.
Me: C’mon, bro. It ain’t like that.
James: Listen, Mike, I know we only neighbors n shit, but u my boy.
Me: We’re tight, man.
James: We ain’t all that tight, but I know you got some shit you wanna do and I ain’t gonna sit here and let you waste that all away. You feel me?
Me: Yeah, man, I mean I have . . .
James: Mike, you ain’t been doin’ shit. Even little James be like, “Where Mike?”
Me: It’s a little tough in the winter.
James: Mike, the winter is when you win the race!
Me: I hear you.
James: You might be hearin’ me, but that shit ain’t sinkin’ in. Now where them shiny white shoes you be wearin’ when you ride ya bike?
Me: In the closet.
James: Put em on ya damn feet.
Me: Uhh…
James: And I know it cold, but get you a hoodie like damn Rocky did and run ya ass around this town like you the champ.
Me: Well, my ankle has been kinda sore.
James: That’s cause you gettin’ old, man. Them pains ain’t goin’ away till you get them damn legs movin’.
Me: True. It does seem like it feels better when I’m running.
James: Hell yeah it do. You can limp around ya ass around the house or shake that shit up on the road.
Me: Thanks, man.
James: I ain’t done wit you yet, Mike. I know you been skippin’ out on ya swimmin’ too.
Me: What?
James: C’mon Mike. I was a coach, you can’t fool me.
Me: Swim coach?
James: Hell naw… When you eva seen a brotha coachin’ swimmin’?
Me: Good point.
James: I just ain’t seen you carryin’ that little swim bag. I know it cold but that pool is warm man. My old lady be doin water aerobics.
Me: Yeah, it’s just hard to get it together.
James: Sound like you tellin’ me you wanna drown.
Me: No, it’s not that.
James: What is it then? You a damn Ironman, Mike . . . and you scared of the cold water? Don’t make no damn sense.
Me: You’re right.
James: Damn right I’m right. Now pull up them tight ass shorts and start thinkin’ like you a damn dolphin again.
Me: Okay.
James: You know I care bout you, Mike. I don’t want you comin’ back to me tellin’ me how you regrettin’ on shit you shoulda been doin. That Ironman shit ain’t no joke and don’t wait for dreamers. Ain’t nobody eva read War and Peace if they couldn’t read. You feel me?
Me: Got it
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And so is my life in East Nashville.