IRONMAN MOODS
This is my last big week before Ironman and I am full of moods. Some positive, some negative, but the sling shot effect of them all is daunting. It’s nothing new, but we always forget.
This shit can be intense and when you’re this close to the race, Ironman starts taking precedent over, well, life. I’m not saying it’s a good thing, but it’s kind of reality.
Twice this week I have gotten really close to blowing off workouts based on fatigue. Monday, after a big swim in the morning, I just couldn’t find the energy for a 45 minute run. Took a nap and wound up pulling it together a night run at 8 pm. Yesterday I had all day to ride a 1:30, but didn’t start until after 6. Both felt good, but it’s starting to mess with my sleep.
Not tired/exhausted, happy/angsty, indifferent/determined. These things can all happen on the flip of the coin this close to the race. Oh, and then daily responsibilities don’t stop peaking at you from behind the curtain just because you’re training for Ironman.
It’s a double edged sword, but (when I’m in the right state of mind) the difficulty of figuring out this puzzle is one reason I really like it.
THIS IS “THE LAST” ONE
In my typical yearly announcement, I told a friend yesterday (non-triathlete) that this might be my last Ironman. He quickly answered, “Yeah, but do you think you’d be doing training and feeling this good if you didn’t have a race to train for?” He was right again.
I really do love how training makes me feel physically, but the mental strife and having more energy to do the other stuff is really challenging. I have finally convinced my mom that our yard work plans will have to wait until after Ironman, or taper.
I think in some way all of this helps me stay level headed. There’s just so many things coming at me these days, especially on the coaching side, that I have to remain calm and live in the moment. Ironman training can enhance moods to a place where you feel like you’re neglecting EVERYTHING.
But you can’t be everything to everyone so it’s good to realize that life is hard and sometimes we have to roll with it . . . and have faith.
BREAKING UP THE ROCKS
I’ve talked about Ironman training as breaking up the rocks and it is still true. I feel very vulnerable but also have a deeper since of gratitude late in training. The broken rocks allow for more emotional space. That can be good and bad. The key is to acknowledge the thoughts/emotions and let them go without over-reacting.
I’m getting better at this process but it’s still tough.
I feel the same way about meditation. At first it feels great and light. You come out of it more relaxed and chill. But after a while, those thoughts start coming up . . . Those memories that you’ve tried to bury. The pain you’ve felt and want to go away. It all comes back.
There is magic in accepting that we’re doing the best we can. Sort of taking the edges off our own criticism.
HOW WILL OTHERS JUDGE ME?
“You wouldn’t worry so much about what other people think of you if you realized how little they do.”
Not sure who said that, but it’s another of my favorite quotes. We get so caught up thinking that others are judging us, but 99% of the time people are caught up in their own issues and struggles. It’s just a fact.
Now that we have email and social media, it’s so much easier for people to pour their shit directly into your inbox. This never was a thing, but now it’s a constant onslaught of things that remind you “you’re not good enough.”
All the goals, the hopes, the dreams of Ironman. I can’t help but put pressure on myself and feel like how well I do matters to others. I think we all feel that, but why? It’s a fucking unbelievable accomplishment that needs no time explanation.
Was talking with my neighbor the other day and he was simply in awe of the event and distance. “So, how long does that take you, 3 days?”
I could have said any amount of time and he would have been blown away. But in our circles, we always want to tie ourselves to a time. It’s our validation.
JUST DO YOU
Coach Robbie said something on the podcast yesterday that I loved, “I hope to execute to the level of my fitness.” I think that’s a really good way to think about it. I mean, we all want to deliver our best effort, but it’s easy to deceive even ourselves into believing we are fitter than we are based on a few random workouts.
So, with all the mood swings, with all the pressures, I sit here today on the patio trying to embrace the beauty in attempting something that most people wouldn’t do. I’m soaking in the notion that I am fitter than most people 30 years younger than me. I’m feeling a little pride in knowing that I realize life is tough and I’m not giving in by sitting on the couch and numbing the pain. I’m realizing that I’m not perfect and embracing that as a normal thing without judgement. I’m thinking about the power of compassion.
Yes, 18 days until Ironman Wisconsin, but more like 15 days until I’m around a bunch of people I love and who went through the same emotional roller coaster ride as me. I can’t wait, but I will embrace the process until that day. The highs, the lows, the doubt, the confidence, the possibilities. All the moods are part of the journey. I’ll acknowledge them, and let them drift away.