The Ironman Train never stops.
As I write these words, my team is toweling off after a beautiful morning swim at the lake. I overslept.
This has been a fairly common theme in my training, but I am getting much better at dealing with the guilt. In the not-so-distant past I would have looked at the clock, eased into a mildly depressed state, and went back to sleep. Today, I instinctively viewed waking up at 5:50 am as a win.
Anyone who knows me well understands my struggles with waking up. My childhood bedroom was in the basement of my parents home. It was my cave and sleeping was a sport.
In high school, my best friend was quarterback for the football team and he desperately wanted me to be his go-to receiver. We had an unspoken connection and I could catch anything he threw my way. Every summer, as we neared the start of two-a-day football practice, his lobbying became more intense because he knew he was fighting my disdain for early mornings. Our football connection wasn’t meant to be.
He always stopped by after his morning practice and by noon I was usually wishing I would have gone. I was lathered in guilt because I really did want to play, but my body just couldn’t respond to the idea of getting my ass kicked that early.
I heard it all. “The morning is the best time to get things done,” and “We do more before 9 am than most people do all day,” but it never registered. I was always great at getting things done at night, but it was typically watching TV or drinking.
A history of waking up late lays a great foundation for Ironman training because you’re always trying to catch up. That guilt is familiar.
Slowly but surely I have been reversing that trend. I have learned to trust my body and take advantage of the moment, regardless of whether or not that means working out. This morning it meant walking the dog, taking out trash, cleaning the kitchen and writing a half-assed blog post by 7:30.
Winning at Ironman (or life) doesn’t happen overnight. It’s comes with a consistent focus on “right effort.” Moving toward the prize and accepting that you won’t always hit your mark.
Evolving is hard and often makes no sense. The pay off from frustration and pain is hard to see. We get stuck in the moment, put life on hold, and wallow in our underachievement.
Like you, I have put tons of effort and hours into training. I have clipped and dove in on frigid mornings. I have sweltered through painful runs and battled exhaustion.
There have been many low points, but we keep bouncing back. Moving toward the seemingly elusive goal of an actualized body, mind, and spirit. Pushing our limits each to become capable of doing things we never dreamed we could do. Taking right action, even in the smallest ways.
There should be no guilt in that.